those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
