I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
