I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
