His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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