I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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