SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
