Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
