Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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