i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
