if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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