Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
