filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
