that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize