White coat. Heels.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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