I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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