you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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