Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
