Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
