11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
