Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
