Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
