Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
