Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
