just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
