Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
