o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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