I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
