Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize