She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
