Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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