I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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