your room smells of hookers.
And success
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
