What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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