If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize