My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
