It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
