Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
