tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
