He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
