Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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