Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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