areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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