the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
