Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
