Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she told me i tasted like america
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize