My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
