Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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