i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
