He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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