I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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