I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
that is very illegal...i love you.
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