I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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