So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Randomize
