I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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