I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
