i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
