'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
