i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
