So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
