The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
