Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
