jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
