wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
